Yes, I did just put holy and horny in the same sentence. Yes we are going to discuss these adjectives in tandem because they are not mutually exclusive and yes the article might make you feel a little uncomfortable but through discomfort we learn and/ unlearn.

I’m not sure how many people will appreciate the candour but here we go…

One evening as my girlfriends and I (Christian single women between the ages of 26-27) sat down to eat, drink and talk about life and love (you know the usual), one of them interrupted the flow of the conversation by saying, “I’m ready to have sex!”  Our faces dropped. Each girlfriend held her breath in shock and nobody said a word for ten seconds. On the 11^th second we began to laugh hysterically. I nearly spat out my coke, my other girlfriend nearly choked on her burger. Thankfully the restaurant was semi empty because the shrieking that followed was deafening and embarrassing. Granted, it was hilarious and we laughed hard (more at how she said it than what she said)but we eventually concluded that the yearning for sex amongst the unmarried celibate/abstinent and Christian must be so real.

Think about it. Our libido are high. For women, peak erotic motivation occurs around the time of ovulation, midway between menstrual periods. Our upper and nether regions are sensitive (the former more applicable to women) and they want to be stimulated.  Our nipples are erect and our vaginal area pulsates and no, we don’t want to read another article on “seven ways to control sexual urges” – we just want sex but we don’t want to sin and there lies the conundrum. Prolonged singleness it seems is leaving some of us wanting more, women included but no one is talking about it.

Ok, so clearly some of us are talking about it (my girlfriends and I spent an evening breaking it down) but not enough and the reaction from us that night proves this. I  know that sexuality as it pertains to the Christian women is not being discussed at length because I still get messages from women saying  how grateful they are for my posts/ tweets, particularly as they felt that no one else could relate. As nice as the messages are to read,  they suggest that collectively we still have a way to go and we’re not going to get there by simply reducing the problem to 1st Corinthians 7:9.

“If you’re horny, get married” is the usual answer right? Advocates of the “if you are horny get married” campaign typically point to the famous Pauline line, “for it is better to marry than to burn with passion” and end the conversation there whilst never truly dealing with the matter.  The application of 1^st Corinthians 7:9 is usually wrong anyway, Christian women (particularly in the western world) are at a bigger disadvantage than their male counterparts because their (immediate) dating pool is often too small to swim in and if there is nobody to date, there is nobody to marry and so their desire for sex is suppressed for another elusive period of time.  Moreover, this bible verse is usually directed at men because only men are perceived as having sexual urges.  Yet, we are all sexual beings.  The women who used to have sexual partners, miss sex.  The virgins who don’t necessarily know how sex feels, want sex.

If you are not hearing it enough from your church groups or friendships group, I am here to tell you that wanting sex is not a bad thing. In fact is it good. Sexuality is God-given, thus your sex drive should be seen in the same light. It’s natural to be horny as a human, therefore it is natural to be horny as a Christian.

It’s ok to accept that you have been redeemed by the blood of the lamb but you still want coitus.

Feelings of guilt and condemnation shouldn’t be attached to your libido or the desire to be touched, especially when both these things are needful for procreation and sexual pleasure. It is very possible for righteousness and sexuality to co-exist (as they do within marriage) through self-control. Just because we are Christian does not mean we are not going to want sex all year round, there’s just a time and a place for it as scripture prescribes.

So you want sex? Don’t we all? It will come, in due course. In the meantime, let’s not shy away from speaking about sexuality (even our frustrations)  because it was given to us by a good God. However, let us honour him with it, knowing that obedience is evidence of your love for God and suffering (which in this context means no sex before marriage) produces character. In the words of Paul, consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters that whenever you face trials of this kind  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance,  let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature, complete, not lacking anything.

Sexuality humanises us. You’re horny, you’re righteous. It’s ok.

Love Cris x

*Sings* “When I get that feeling, I want sexual healing.” Joking.

p.s please note that celibacy/ abstinence alone isn’t necessarily the mark of a Christian, having a mind like Jesus is.  Also note that great sex (unfortunately) is not the reward for celibacy/abstinence.