You clicked on this page (hopefully) because you’re a Christian and probably because you’re dating or looking to date. If you’re a newbie to the dating scene (welcome) you may have   hoped to get more intel on the topic before diving in and if you’re a well seasoned veteran, maybe you were curious as to how you could potentially do things differently. Whatever your reasoning behind clicking the link, I want to firstly say thank you and sorry. I’ve been MIA for a number of months (very nearly a year) and to still have a readership is humbling. I’m sorry for not being consistent but I will endeavour to put out new material more regularly. Secondly, I want to stress that the dating game ( yes even the Christian dating game) is not for the faint-hearted. There will be disappointments, there will be broken promises, there may even be tears (depending on your level of sensitivity and/ or the functionality of your tear ducts) but hopefully in the end there’s victory.

Psychologically, “How to articles” are seductive because they promise to give you  concise and condensed information that you can apply very easily, with little to no prior knowledge and for that reason they are revered as though set in stone. However,  nothing you read below should be taken as fact, except for the Bible references for obvious reasons lol. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to dating, just principles you can choose to adopt should you want to.

Accept that Boaz and Ruth’s story, was Boaz and Ruth’s story. I hate to do this to you so early on into the article but Ruth and Boaz did not become Ruth Boaz for our idealistic pleasures.

Actually date. A lot of people still believe that they will be gifted with a partner by staying at home. I don’t doubt for a second that God cannot bring a beautiful woman or a gorgeous man to your door but why limit God to your bedroom when the world is his oyster. Get yourself out there (not too out there to the point of sinning but out there enough for people to notice you), meet people, grab coffee ( if you drink that disgusting drink), converse over black cod ( your taste buds will thank me later) and be merry.

Stop going on group dates. I completely appreciate the sentiment behind group dates but its advocates need to get a grip. You want to gauge what the dynamic is like when you two are alone ( in public) and group settings do not offer the opportunity to do that.  Will you be with/ marry the group also?

Stop overspiritualising “coffee”.

Stop being overscrupulous. Human beings have a tendency to do this thing where we over analyse something until we begin to find fault in it. From my experience, Christians ( ok from my experience, Christian women) do this a lot. From his hair is too high, to his style is too offputting, to his personality is too rigid, to he is boring, complicating the dating process further. Maybe if we spent less time evaluating his shoes and more time evaluating how well he treats us, we wouldn’t find ourselves in such scenarios.

Stop dating with marriage as the immediate goal. It is HIGHLY unlikely that you will get married shortly after the first date, so why are you so pressed on marriage? Nobody likes the feeling of having their time wasted but how much time have you really wasted by simply gauging their suitability as a friend first and foremost and hopefully a partner. Sometimes I do think we do ourselves a disservice by not dating more casually.  Don’t let the prospect of marriage hinder your judgement by forcing you to over exaggerate their positive qualities or underestimate their suitability as a second/ third date candidate.

Accept that dating with a purpose is a flawed concept too. It’s flawed because we are flawed. It’s also flawed because it implies that dating in and of itself does not serve a purpose when it actuality it does and can. Lastly, it’s flawed because it implies that dating with a purpose has a definitive end (marriage) and that is rubbish.

Date with Matthew 7:12 and Mark 12:31 in mind. Mark 12:31 reads, “Love thy neighbour as yourself….” and Matthew 7:12 reads, “so in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets”. Dating can get messy because people are incredibly messy, incredibly self-seeking and incredibly proud.  However, if we remember that the other person in this dynamic is also a child of God and that we are commanded to love this person as we love ourselves, this should ultimately alter our behaviour. That even when we do find ourselves hurting that person, we are quick to apologise and make amends. The finished work on the cross, which led to us being brought out of darkness into marvellous light from is the key difference between dating as an unbeliever and dating as a believer. Our treatment of the each other is evidence of that transition.

Dating as a Christian doesn’t have to be monotonous.Dating is supposed to be fun. It’s supposed to be littered with good times, good food, hints of romantic gestures and good judgement. It doesn’t have to be complicated or pressured.

So can we please just date?

Also, very shameless plug but I am having a ( non – christian) event. Ticket link here

love Cris x