I’m sorry to burst your bubble so early into the article. I’m sorry for not setting the scene before ruining the ending but it has to be said, there aren’t enough Christian men.

Granted I haven’t come to this conclusion by way of any scientific experiment. No sample has been taken. No survey has been conducted. I haven’t perused any qualitative or quantitative data although my observations could be deemed scientific. Walk into any church on any given Sunday or mid-week service (sans the men’s fellowship) and the results will likely be the same.

It’s not a secret that universally (at least in the western world) the female population in the church far exceeds the male population. A number of theories have been put forward for the dearth in male membership  and whilst some are flamboyantly ludicrous, others do require some attention because of the impact on the Christian dating pool.

A traditional view is that Christian women are far more spiritual than men, although how we arrived at this position is unclear. Nowhere in scripture does Jesus describe the Holy Spirit as partial.  Nowhere are the fruits of the Spirit described as exclusive to females. Surely, if the fruits of the Spirit are evidence of your walk then the one considered more “spiritual” would be the one who exhibits those traits sincerely, male or female.  Thus, this view doesn’t align with my understanding of scripture.

However, I would like to briefly allude you to something I have dubbed “the feminization of the church”. I began toying with the concept after reading an article whereby a man (obviously) raised concerns about the neo-church. In it he suggests that the church has become a social club for women, where Jesus isn’t depicted as a hard-core superhero (sans the cape) but a lovey-dovey man who dotted on children, healed the sick and kept 12 friends.  He goes on to say much more but I’d rather insert my own unproven theory to provoke discussion and provide a link to the article in the footer.

Whilst I do disagree with some points, I agree with the feminisation to an extent. How many men in your church partake in departments other than the technical or youth departments? How many subsections in your ministry focus exclusively on the development of men’s spiritual walk? How many functioning departments rely solely on the skill set most common to men? How many events are targeted towards men? How many churches partake in evangelism for men by men? Some men, like the author of the article are hurting and they argue that the church has been slow to act. Granted, the church isn’t driven by our desires for marriage and shouldn’t have to build itself around those desires but when the number of women attending church greatly exceeds the number of men then the Christian dating pool is once again stacked against females.  If you can’t find a man in the church, where are you supposed to find him? The pool of Christian men is indeed small.

The Christian dating pool is stacked against females, heck, the dating pool in general is stacked against females but that will be expounded upon in another article. You almost begin to lose hope that you’ll find a Christian brother that you’ll be attracted to, that is kind, that is intelligent, that dresses well, that had a good sense of humour, that likes to gym, that likes to read, that likes the films you like and likes the music that you like.

I remember when I believed the lies that Hollywood told me. Like in the movies, I thought it was very feasible that I would bump into my future husband in a coffee shop, like Starbucks.  I would order a hot chocolate and make my way to the exit. I would be so engrossed in my hot beverage to the point where I  bump into him. He would be mesmerised and ask for my number (does this sound familiar ?) and there would be violins. Then I arose from my slumber and thought about the odds more carefully. The UK is rapidly losing its affiliation with Christianity , therefore the likelihood of meeting a Christian brother in Starbucks is low. I’m sure Christian brothers drink coffee but I wouldn’t go camping outside any coffee shop if I were you.

So what’s a woman to do when every Christian guy you know has a million and one Christian female friends and every Christian sister in your church fellowship dotes on the same good-looking, sharply dressed drummer or keyboardist because there’s not enough choice.  The competition is fierce and every Sunday is like a bad buffet for the single Christian female – there’s not enough food but there’s plenty of customers.

So again what’s a woman to do? Should we go on competing for the one cute looking drummer boy or the sharply dressed keyboardist?  Or perhaps we have our eyes fixed on the cute drummer boy or keyboardist that we miss the equally cute but not well dressed back-up singer. I stumbled across an article written by another man and whilst he suggested that there is a dearth in Christian men, he said women aren’t looking properly.  It’s true. He doesn’t have to be everything in the list that I listed. At the same time, why can’t we want what we want? Because the Christian dating pool is stacked against females.

The dearth in male membership is an opportunity for single girls to complain about the lack of Christian men, to revise their lists but it’s also an opportunity for evangelism. We definitely need more men to marry  but we also need more soldiers for Christ. There’s so much room to do so much more and even if you’re not spurred on to act for the sisters in the congregation thinking about their odds of meeting an amazing man after God’s heart, then do it for the expansion of the Kingdom.

I just think the christian dating pool should become a lot more balance. I’m tired of men having all the choice.

Love Cris x

P.S I still think you can have it all.  Also my girlfriends would make the best wives. Just saying.