If you are a regular visitor to The Promiscious Pen you will know that I draw inspiration from an array of things most especially songs by my favourite artists , such as  Kanye West (whom I used to be in love with, no really I was head over heels until Kanye became Kimye) and Drake (my bestie in my head).  This post is no exception since it has been inspired by one of Kanye’s most catchy songs,  “Gold digger”.   We all sung the chorus at the top of our lungs whenever we heard Jamie Fox belt the lines “she takes my money when I’m in need, ohh she’s a trifling friend indeed, oh she a gold digger way of the town  that digs on me.”  The song describes a situation where a man is in a relationship with a woman who he deems a gold digger because she essentially asks for too much.  If I remember correctly, they go to a place called Den’s and Kanye has to pay. She has a baby by Busta Rhymes, sleeps around with Usher, receives liposuction, plastic surgery, keeps the child support, goes out to a fancy restaurant that they can’t afford  and then reveals that the 18-year-old she was receiving child support for isn’t actually his.  If you have never heard of the song I beseech you to peruse YouTube, find the clip and listen. For those of you who are familiar with the track I want you to now ponder on the subject of gold diggers.

This article whilst contending with  the term ” gold digger” also expounds on the importance of discussing finances within a relationship. A lady who is unabashed when speaking about money to a man who she considers a potential suitor is not digging for gold; she is digging for a suggestion as to how life with that man will pan out.

The term “gold digger” was obviously not conceived by Mr West,  in fact the history of the term is rather ironic because it was initially used to describe a man who controlled his wife’s assets. In the days of old women were not entitled to their father’s wealth and so their husbands inherited their money upon marriage.  Men were the former gold diggers; they would seek out wealthy women who they could latch unto. However,  female gold digging is believed to have started around 1848 with the California gold rush. Men would go out in pursuit of gold and once they found it would make trips to bars littered with scantily dressed women who were looking to take as much as these men were giving.  History also recalls how the Great Depression fuelled female gold digging. Single, unemployed or lowly paid women were the depression’s most vulnerable victims and for them the option of finding a rich man appeared most lucrative. For those women gold digging became a means of survival.  Modern gold digging has lost that sense of desperation that the women of the great depression probably felt when choosing to seek out rich men who they hoped would provide their needs in a period of economic scarcity; instead it has become a convenient option defined by abject materialism.

I believe Kanye did a good thing by drawing attention to women who act like leeches, sucking the wealth out of typically vulnerable (or  just silly) men for their own selfish gains. However. I also believe that classifying all women who place financial stability as a priority in a relationship as ‘gold diggers’ is wrong.  We have made the subject of money so taboo to the point that if a woman or even indeed a man is upfront about the “things” that they want in life or from life they are immediately deemed a gold-digger.  We must understand and begin to enforce the difference.

I was asked some time ago if being financially stable was imperative within a relationship and without thinking I said “yes, of course being financially stable is important.” However as I began to reflect, my opinion changed.  After some deep thought I concluded that financial stability is only as important as the aspirations of the individual, meaning your aspirations, goals and achievements will determine how much significance you place on financial stability.  Likewise, financial stability will be of little to no importance to individuals who wish to live their lives simply.  For example, I may have a desire for my kids to go to private school and so I feel that any potential suitor should be made aware of that desire. He is under no obligation to continue the relationship but irrespective of how he responds I have laid my cards on the table. Does that make me a gold digger? Certainly not. It makes me a woman who is unabashed in stating what I want from life. I don’t want your money, I’m simply intrigued as to how far your lifestyle is compatible with mine.

Women are afraid to talk money because of society’s liberal use of the word gold digger and so they end up befriending/ marrying a man who would rather stick a needle in his eye than spend some change on a nice evening with his lady (not saying that mice dinners are a mark of a financially healthy relationship but I hope you understand the point I am trying to make).   There is no benefit in shying away from discussing such an important issue especially in the context of a relationship. If happiness was the currency we lived on then the issue of money would be irrelevant but it isn’t. We need to stop being so rigid when it comes to discussing money. Be vocal about it from the onset so as to limit the problems you may face within the relationship. In the event where you both differ on the subject of money then you can decide to either compromise or go your separate ways but the important thing is that you have discussed it.   At this juncture I would like to make the point that gold diggers are not known for such diplomacy, so a woman who is simply seeking out information should not be grouped as one.

I do not have any qualms with the term gold –digger but when the excessive use of the label begins to prevent the discussion of money within a relationship then I find it problematic.  Don’t be afraid of stating what you want from life especially if the things you wish to acquire involve money, it does not make you a gold-digger, it makes you strategic.

Love Cris x

P.S Happiness may not be currency but it is something of value  so remember to remember it within the context of a relationship also.

P.S.S I still dream of marrying rich, it may not happen but a girl can still dream. Lol.