fbpx

Instant Search

Navigation
June 12, 2017

Should Christians Date Multiple People?

Love and Other Drugs No Reply

Christians are called to be set apart but how do we marry that call with dating , when we finally recognise that people will still be people?

This article isn’t for Christians who don’t believe in dating. Neither is this article for Christians who believe that there is one person  out there for them. This is for those exploring the market in the quest to find a prospective life partner.

This has been quite a hot topic on twitter. If you’re a regular on The Promiscuous Pen you’ll already have deduced that beyond real life, twitter is the well in which I draw my inspiration.  I’ve noticed women, in particular Christian  single women, voice their fears when it comes to putting their eggs in one basket and how they should approach handling more than one man at the same time.

Putting your eggs in one basket , only to be disappointed at some point down the line is a valid fear.   People have the habit of being big disappointments and masking their true characters and intentions and so keeping your options open is both a coping and defence mechanism.  It’s a coping mechanism  for  when number 1 ( the one you would have chosen, had they not turned out to be incompatible to you ) fails to meet your expectations and so you revert back to fully exercising your other options.  It’s a defence mechanism, future proofing you from not ever finding a number 1.

The act of dating multiple people , i.e handling more than one person at the same time, keeping your options open and whatever other variations people come up with to describe that process of getting to know more than one person,  receives  a good deal of negativity for reasons that will be explained. However,  I often feel the negativity is uncalled for.  Before refuting the adversaries, a brief exegesis is important.

When you start dating you realise that people’s definitions of dating differ.  This is the genesis of the problem.  I’ll provide my own definition of dating for the sake of clarity although I understand that many will contend with my version:

Dating is the process of getting to know the other person. It’s the “ tell me your favourite colour “stage, it’s the “tell me your hopes and dreams” stage, it’s the  “ can both our lives merge without either one of us feeling the impact of the collision?” stage.  It’s the let’s do fun stuff with each other to find out if we could do this for a very long time.  That’s not to say that you don’t continue to find out many things about each other during the relationship but if  love were a cinema experience, dating would be the trailer and the relationship the 2 hours you spend marvelling at the screen. We watch trailers  to find out if we should invest further time and money into this project and that’s  deemed to be quite sensible. I’m not sure how many of us could commit to watching every single movie released in the cinema and so we watch a few trailers and whichever resonates with us the most is the one we invest in. Granted people aren’t movies but the principle is the same.   I could go a step further by referring to other analogies, such as the new job analogy. When looking for a job you apply to as many as many roles as you are qualified to apply to and if you receive many offers you select the one you feel is the right fit.

You keep your options open, you watch a few trailers, you apply to as many roles as you can.

Please note, I intentionally didn’t add sex to the mix because that’s exclusive to marriage within the Christendom.

The purpose of dating is to find your fit. You can opt for finding your groove with one person at a time but if you feel pressed for time or you believe in the idea that competition leads to better value  or will help to refine your selection process , then getting to know more than one person at the same time is key.  It’s akin to networking. You don’t network with one person and then call it a day. You build your network in the hope that one day when you need something someone will be of benefit to you.

One of the main reasons why refuters refute the concept of Christians serial dating is consideration for the other parties involved.  They brand it “stringing the other person along”. It would be considered stringing the other person along if you now entered the murky waters of “friends with benefits” (which is the slippery road to sin) or if you promise them heaven on earth to now give them hell.  It’s not stringing them along if you keep the contact very light, perhaps even irregular and  never promising a relationship if that’s not your intention.

There’s the other notion that you can’t control the expectations of others. Whilst that is true you can control your own actions and be conscious of your words. You’re not in a relationship, so don’t do things that allude to a relationship.  You’re not married. There is no title. Just people talking about their hopes and dreams to find out if their hopes and dreams align.

There’s the “ how many is too many? notion. How many times have you heard people stipulate the number of friends you can have?  Never. Similarly, nobody ever condemns the number of people you network with but if networking is akin to keeping your options open then what is the problem?

Keeping your options open is smart just don’t abuse the freedom by doing something Jesus wouldn’t do. Dating is not a title and titles matter.

Love Cris x

P.S Only commit when a title is involved.

P.S.S Date multiple people.

Hi guys & dolls!

 

Please do add your email address below to be kept up to date for when the book drops!

Tags:
Older Post Newer Post

Suggested Posts

How Millennials Changed The Dating Game
Should You Move Churches If There Isn’t Enough Eye Candy At Your Church?
8 Women You Shouldn’t Date (According to Men)

0 comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Cris

I am Carrie Bradshaw, mixed with a little bit of Alley McBeal and Phoebe from Friends. In other words I am a writer, a (wannabe) lawyer and a weirdo. I'm desperately trying to make sure my book collection exceeds my shoe collection  and failing... but please do look around. The pen definitely flirts but it doesn't bite.

advertisment

Pick a date, read a post..

June 2017
M T W T F S S
« Mar   Aug »
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
2627282930  

Subscribe to my posts



Created by Webfish.
#buhari#buharifixit #fuelscarcity#democracyday#fuelscarcity2.5 kids2014 is over2015234 school girls5 men you shouldn't dateabolish the talking phaseabstinencceabstinenceAbujaabuseafter valentinesall men are dogsall men cheatall sorts of menam I thirstyambitionambitionsamerican dreamareare you thirstyattitudeattractionawkwardbacon and egsgsbaebae watchballerbe the lightbe the saltbe yourselfbeards beards beardsbeautiful namebefore anyone elsebest giftBeyonceblackBlack hairblack loveblack peopleblack self worthblack skinblack twitterbottoms upboyboyfriendbrazilbride groomBring Back Our Girlsbritainbritish dreambrother zonebrothers in christ with no gamebrothers with no gamebuttockscampaignCan I be friends with an ex?can I be your valentine?catscelbacycelebrity nudescelibacycheap ringcheap thrillsChibokchineseChristChrist and the Churchchristian datingchristian dating siteschristian loveChristian marriagechristian romanceChristian sexChristianitychristianschurchcinderellacleancolourcomputerconfidencecouplescourtshipcowardicecrap mencrucifixioncrushescryingdamagedarknessdatigdatingdepressionDestiny's childdiamondsdo not sinkdo not worrydomestic violencedoughdrakedrowningdrowning sorrowdrugsdrunk in loveeatemanateemotionemotional nudityemotionseventseveryoneeverythingex loversexclusiveexesexpectationsexpensive ringfake menFatherfavelafidelityfinding loveflirtingformationfriend zonegame boygenderget your rich husbandgirlGodgold diggergot faithgot milkgym buffshappy new yearhardhastagshatehaterationhatinghave gamehaving a typehe hates mehe loves me nothe loves youhe's not into you womanhis burden is lightholinessholyhornyhousehousing deficithow to be a proverbs 31 womanhow to cope with valentines day as a singlehula hoopshusband zonei aint saying she a gold diggerI wonderI'm obsessed over a man that doesn't even notice my existenceiaintsayingsheagolddiggerindependenceinfidelityinstagraminternetisis independence a charadeit goes down in the dmsjamie foxJay ZJesusJesus caresJesus ChristJesus is loveJesus Piecejohn majorjoint heirskanyekeyboardsKidnappingkingkissingkissing after marriagekissing before marriageladies without a spouseletting golife can be deepliftslistslonelylovelove morelove n hip hoploversmanmarriagemasculinitymasturbationmaybe drunk in hate for lovemcdonaldsme myself and Imenmen in Christmental abusemessymoneymore than a crushmortgagemovementmyths about abstinencenakednatural hairnatural hair carenew menew yearnew year new youNigeriano beyonceno more darknessno sexnon exclusivenon-negotiablesnot drunk in lovenubiannubian queensnudityold schoolonline daring sitesonline datingor just drunk in indifferenceoverwhelmedpainPaul from the Biblepdapeacepeopleperfectionphysical abusepickypizzaplacespmspoliticspoor. educationpornprayPrayerpressurepretencepretending with Godprospective romanceProverbs 31Proverbs 31 manproviderpurityqueensReal mered flagsrelationship goalsrelationshipsreligionrenting a valentinerest in peace robin williamsrevolutionring is ringRioriseromanceruined my life. Christianityrushing for sexsaddossalt and lightSalvationSao Paulosay goodbye to itsay my namesecretsself loveselfie kingsserial datingsettlingsexsex bombsex ed for Christianssex is the best giftsexismsexyshoot your shotshot callerShould I be friends with an ex?side chickssilent moviesilly thing to dosinglesingle - hoodsingle and lonelysinglehoodsisters in christ with little responsesituationshipssix packsslaverysocietysolange Knowlessold us a dreamSon of God. Peter. Disciplessorrowsoul matesspeak nowc or forever hold your peacespringstandardsSteph Currystereotypestereotypesstill proverbs 31 womanstrangestrategystrongsubmissionsubmission is not a curse wordswag lolswimswim goodtake shotstaking off of layerstalkingtearstender gentletextingthank me laterthe beard effectthe bible. the Wordthe onethere is such thing as too latethou shall not hit rock bottom and stay theretime to growtmzto move ontraffic lightsunfair treatmentunrealisticvalentinevalentines daywarped depictionswewe hate lovewe just don't converse anymoreweird menweirdoswhat does bae menwhat is baewhat is bae. new yearwhere are your arm bandswhere the brothers at?why women love beardswhy won't he callwife to bewinwoen you shouldn't datewomanwomanhoodwomenwomen in churchworking classworld cupyesterday all my troubles seemed so far awayyoung love

Follow me on Twitter