“Every 15 seconds, a woman is proposed to. Please dial 322 – help me find a beau, if you’re not that woman. “
If you’re over the age of 21, I’m sure you’re experiencing this. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and other social media sites that I have forgotten to mention are daily reminders that all your friends are getting married and having babies and you’re just a spectator.
Of course you’re happy for your friends, in fact you’re elated. However, your elation will never compensate the reality that you feel like a spectator. You’re not coupled up, you’re not pregnant and you’ve never even liked anyone to even contemplate giving up your body and emotions for. You” like” the facebook, Twitter and Instagram status’ because it almost feels rude not to, in doing so you hope to decimate any underlying “resentment” and what’s more you hate feeling like a spectator.
When your married or “been together forever” friends ask you how your love life is, you shrug and give the conventional answer, “it’s ok, I’m not really looking” and yet every night when Facebook, Twitter and Instagram alert you to another couple getting married and having babies, you wonder when your time will come. In fact, the perpetual “your time will come” promises are still yet to materialise and you can hear your mother’s judgement in your head, “it’s because you’re too fussy” . Then you begin to re-evaluate your expectations, adjusting them where appropriate because of course all your friends are getting married and having babies and you’re here spectating through Wi-Fi.
It’s a hard knock life. Society can never truly decide whether it’s for or against the single woman. On the one hand, we’re honoured for being fun-loving and free and on the other hand every “2 for one” coupon/deal, every advert, every song sends you right back down into the reality that perhaps everything is better in twos. Even single folk ask single folk why they are single and this shows the level of intolerance to singlehood within society.
What’s a girl to do?
Nobody ever wants to admit to feeling “less than” but I think it’s ok to. Pity parties are not attractive in the slightest and I would never want to encourage anymore bedtime woes but accept your single phase for a moment. Acceptance, they say is the pivotal part of healing. You’re not suffering from any physical ailment, this torment is emotional. Like Neyo, you’re so sick of love songs, you’re tired of constantly seeing public displays of affection and you loathe Valentine ’s Day. This pent up frustration is not healthy. Let it all out. Grab your other single friends, buy a journal get a twitter account ?(if you have to) just don’t build up resentment towards coupled folk because you’re single.
When you’re done accepting your single phase, accept the desire to be with someone. I wish everyone would stop pretending that they don’t seek love. Your desire to be with someone does not mean that you are not enjoying your singlehood. It shouldn’t be mistaken for desperation. Your desire for intimacy doesn’t reduce your worth, it’s not strange, neither is it pathetic. It’s honest. It’s admirable. I remember a girlfriend of mine saying that she wants to be in a relationship. I remember greeting her honesty with sarcasm and laughter. I can’t remember my exact words but I know that they weren’t at all helpful. I probably reacted in such a manner because I hadn’t heard something so brash in a long time and single women hardly ever say such things because we like maintaining a façade. Would I have greeted her with the same sarcasm if she said she wants a pair of heels? Would I have had the same reaction if she expressed a desire for a new bag, a holiday or a masters degree? Of course not. I would have said “go for it” and this is my point. We are so used to shaming the desire to be in a relationship. Singleness is a beautiful thing but let’s not be overzealous. When she says she wants a relationship, let’s not question her stability or reduce her honesty to anxiety.
I’m sorry to repeat the perpetual promise but “you’re time will come”. However, I’d like to add that time generally doesn’t go any faster when you wait for it. Please accept my apologies as I’m about to use a very old cliché to substantiate my point but time actually does go by when you are having fun. Don’t wait on love, cheat time. Expose yourself to all the “wonderful” that life has to offer. Get those pairs of heels, get the new bag, go on holiday, and attain a master ’s degree. Groom yourself, deal with your shortcomings, join the gym, spend time with your loved ones and just see the world. You’ll become a better person for it.
All your friends and getting married and having babies but so what right? No. I don’t think the indifference should be romanticised because generally it’s a cover-up. It’s ok to care about your future. It’s ok to envision a future for yourself that consists of marriage and babies. You are not any less of a woman. You are not desperate. It’s not pathetic. It’s just honest.
Love Cris x