Some of us are giddy at the thought of Valentine’s Day, some of us scowl over the notion. The former are lovers but are the latter haters?
At some point in our lives we have dreaded the arrival of February because it reminded us of our single status. We would enter into the second month of the year pretending to be above all things lovey – dovey, uttering phrases like,
“gosh, why are shops filling up their shelves with all these love hearts? Urrgh I hate valentines.”
“I don’t care about valentines anyway; it’s just another day to me.”
“I can show myself love , I don’t need anyone to buy me gifts”
“why does it have to be so sappy?”
I don’t actually remember if I have ever uttered any of these words but that doesn’t mean I didn’t feel like I was missing out on something whenever valentine’s day was approaching. The feeling is akin to the one you get when leaving a party just as the DJ is playing your favourite song or when you run to catch the train only to get to the platform and realise that you missed it by a minute or when you go back to purchase an item either in store or on-line to find that it is out of stock. In all those situations you know that you are missing something and although you understand that you will get over it, you can’t help but bask in self pity in that moment.
I used to dwell on my singleness on Valentine’s Day and the days leading up to it and then after valentine revert to being myself again. I wasn’t angry at being alone on Valentine’s Day but when I realised that the sight of lovers, clasping hands and showing public affection on Valentine’s Day made me cringe even more than I usually did on other days, I knew I was a hater. Haters know that they are haters (a theory I am yet to develop and expound upon in another post) and so I knew that my reversion to these couples displaying public affection wasn’t because they were couples displaying public affection but because they were couples displaying public affection on valentine’s day. I was certainly not the chair of the anti- valentine committee (because like I said I wasn’t angry) but I definitely occupied the general secretary position, demonstrating my commitment to the anti-valentine tirade. Feelings of inadequacy creep in during this time of year and although you know you have been single since the last valentine’s day, you notice your singleness with every passing day as if it were something novel. You walk down the high street and huge teddy bears, with love hearts for stomachs surrounded by heart shaped balloons and “ I love you banners” , stare back at you. So I get it. I get why a singleton would feel singled out with all the hysteria over the 14th of February and I can appreciate feeling almost slighted by the holiday. However, whilst hater-ation is understandable it is not advisable for the following reasons:
- No day should make you feel any less loved and even the thought that a single day could have such power over you is ludicrous.
- There’s no reason to wallow in self- pity if it will only make you feel worse.
- Hating Valentine’s Day because you are single is suggestive of the fact that you don’t quite value your single-hood seeing it as a burden rather than a path to self – discovery, albeit momentarily.
- There are no rules as to who you must spend valentines with, the only rule for that particular day is love, so spread some.
- Finally, you will be with a person who will make you forget all the valentine’s days that you spent alone.
I spent my time in hater rehab perusing these five tips to the point where I am now conscious of voicing hatred towards Valentine’s Day because it is (definitely) borderline bitter. I have three unyielding valentines: my mum, my sister and Jesus. Additionally, I have my girlfriends to show me love and to love. So my advice to all singletons this season would be spend time with the people you love;bask in love.
I’ll finish by saying this, “everybody is somebody’s everything. Nobody is nothing.”
Cheers to Valentine.
Even if after you read this post and still feel slighted by Valentine ’s Day, I want you to know that I luuurrrve you.
Happy Val day lovers.
Love Cris x
P.S To all my admirers, I would like a Louis Vuitton purse.