I interrupt this usual session (my Jesus’ pieces are usually far more Jesus centred) to bring you something quite real.As always this piece has come about as a result of several conversations with various people (mostly women) from Christian backgrounds. Before I go on, I want to say that the love for my Christian brothers is the reason why I felt compelled to write this plea.
For the sake of this article the following terms need to be defined: “brother”, “Brother in Christ” and “game”.
“Brother” refers to any man you have a personal relationship with but you don’t share a mother and father; a man that you could potentially enter a relationship with without it being deemed incestuous. However, a “brother in Christ” is a man that satisfies the above description and professes faith in Jesus. You will most likely meet this brother in church, at a church event, through friends or other various networks. “Game” on the other hand, is a little harder to define because of its “urban” roots but it can be defined as “a measure of smoothness with the opposite sex”, thus likening it to charm and/or confidence around women in the faith. Therefore, when I say brothers in Christ with no game I am calling out all my Christian brothers who have ever stood in front of or been in the midst of a woman they liked and instead of acting like smooth operators, acted very clumsy, avoided eye contact, said something extremely abstract or extremely irrelevant (maybe something along the lines of “so God so loved the world huh?”) or blurted out an awkward chat up line which resulted in the women looking at them funny and walking away. I understand your plight and see your struggle.
Generalisations are unhelpful, especially as they never completely strengthen an argument. The retort of the opposing side will always be something along the lines of “ your experience will never be a reflection of the bigger picture” and so I don’t want to make any type of generalisation on Christian men because quite frankly that would be absurd. However, I am going to delve into my own personal study and make statements in relation to what I have seen or have been told. Therefore I am going to use phrases like “ In my experience”, “ from what I have observed” to really avoid being too general. Here goes.
From my observations “brothers in Christ” have zero game and zero skills when it comes to speaking to women that interest them despite the bible giving them that conviction that “he who finds a wife finds a good thing.” Christian brothers are (dare I say it) bland. I was eager to find out if my experiences tallied at all with my girlfriends’ experience and so I sat one down and asked “don’t you think Christian brothers are boring?”. I probably shouldn’t have asked such a closed question just so she wouldn’t feel compelled to agree but she eventually nodded reluctantly in agreement. I had it in mind to raise the conversation on twitter but as I was perusing my timeline I stumbled across this tweet ,
“but here’s my point..Brothers in Christ have no game..yal are afraid to just come out and tell a sister how you feel.”
I was clearly not alone in my thinking.
I obviously joined the conversation thereafter because I was intrigued to find out the opinions of some “brothers in Christ”. One brother in Christ commented that if the “brother” in question has too much “sass” then he definitely isn’t a virgin but I would have to disagree on the basis that Paul had plenty wit and remained single until death. Charm is dubious as Proverbs 31: 30 narrates but the point is have some charisma. Don’t be bland; be funny; let’s dance. Let God remain the centre but let’s crack jokes until we get stomach cramps. A woman’s desire for good conversation doesn’t stop when she finds Christ so why should your personality fade once you do.
Another Brother in Christ joined the conversation and provided some insight into their lack of game. Apparently, these brothers are generally weary of the fact that “game” can be translated as flirting, to which I replied, “what is wrong with flirting?” Flirting becomes dangerous when directed at many women at the same time. Flirting can in some cases penetrate a woman’s guard, so imagine a situation where five women in the same church have already warmed up to you because you flirt religiously. So I am not in any way saying that you should become a serial flirter because you would be opening yourself up to many problems, however I am saying flirt with the one you are interested in. Flirting when channelled to the one person who you have intentions for is fun and almost romantic. Engage her with your personality, a smile and a bit of humour.
But then it dawned on that maybe our lovely brothers in Christ do not know how to flirt which is the reason as to why they come off as bland, awkward, uninteresting and memorable but for the wrong reasons. Flirting isn’t exclusive to the cool kids, it can be learnt. It is all about letting your personality shine through and not being afraid to leave a lasting impact that will make her smile when she thinks of you. At its most basic, it involves subtly showing that you are interested in this woman. Flash a smile, ask about her week, find out about her interests, be attentive, compliment her on her dressing or an aesthetic feature and finally make eye contact. All these things could potentially take you from the brother- in –Christ zone to the husband – who – found- a – good- thing- zone, just don’t ruin it by telling a disastrous chat up line or knock knock joke.
I wrote this because I believe in my brothers in Christ and I want you all to win. Stop being so awkward around the woman you have a fondness for and just be yourself, unless of course you are awkward by nature (if that is the case then don’t be yourself lol).
Have fun. Crack jokes. Show that winning personality.
Become a brother ( in Christ ) with Game.
Thank me later .
Love Cris x
I better get invitation cards to all the weddings that are sure to take place as a result of my advice.