I looked into my archive and found this timely piece and so I thought to post it as a word of encouragement to whoever may need it. We like to paint smiles on our faces and suffer in silence when the truth is everyone has moments when they feel as though the ocean of life will sweep them away. Last year I felt as though I was drowning and even as I type I am feeling so overwhelmed with life but regardless I will keep on swimming.
v. drowned, drown·ing, drowns
1. To kill by submerging and suffocating in water or another liquid.
2. To drench thoroughly or cover with or as if with a liquid.
3. To deaden one’s awareness of; blot out: people who drowned their troubles in drink.
To die by suffocating in water or another liquid.
Towards the ending of 2013 I was reminded of everything I ever envisaged for this blog. It was designed to build, uplift, inspire and promote self- development by way of beautiful imagery. My wish was for every wounded soul to see that victory is attainable as long as you could imagine it. I still stand by this notion and this article is my testimony.
This particular post was written in 2013 and the decision to post it now was not something that I planned. At the time I did not feel compelled to share because I was going through some things. However, because I do not believe writers have the ability to remove themselves from their work I am now pouring out my virtual heart with my virtual pen in the hope that someone will relate.
A few months ago I was drowning. Feeling overwhelmed and beat down I was held captive by every thought. In those months I had been drenched thoroughly by things that in hindsight will mean very little in the next few years but at the time I was too deep in sea to remember. I was not swimming, I was sinking. I felt as one that had been plunged into the deep whilst fighting to keep my head afloat.
I remember as a child I suffered a near drowning experience and I remember struggling to keep my head afloat but somehow I still managed to scream and catch the attention of the lifeguards who jumped in to save me. Yet, in those months whenever I screamed, nobody rushed to save me. I was screaming to an audience of one and feeling alone in my thoughts. This is what life does especially in times of anxiety and confusion. It tries to make you feel small and then tricks you into believing that your screaming will amount to nothing because nobody will come. The sad truth is that we often believe the lie that says we are alone and that restoration will not come. What’s even sadder is that some of us are eagerly awaited the New Year in the hope that our fates would take a turn for the better and yet two months in are still showing signs of confusion and anxiety as though the new year never came around . Some are drowning in their sorrows, cares, ambitions and woes whilst some are drowning their sorrows in order to numb the pain and kill their awareness.
Although I was not drowning my “sorrows”; I was drowning in fear and anxiety. I felt like that little girl again, struggling to keep her head above the water and struggling to scream. My bouts of mild melancholy were self-induced and this is generally the case for a lot of us. It was almost as though I had filled a huge tank with water, without any outside assistance and then fell into that huge tank. I had single-handedly created this period of anxiety and fear by allowing myself to think less of myself. It has become routine for some of us to allow negative feelings to subdue us and I had been doing this for months until I remembered that I could swim. This time I did not need a saviour as I did as a little girl, I just needed to move from where I was mentally and swim.
Drowning is something physical that can occur when one is deep in water and likewise it is something that can occur in the mind.
Do yourself a favour and just swim right through.
Love Cris x
P.S I’ve been away but as soon as these exams are over I will be back like a bra strap (I hope you all got that).
P.S.S Rest in peace Robin Williams