It’s only right that I begin by saying Happy One Month birthday to my blog, my baby, my pride and joy. The journey thus far (I know it has only been a month but allow me this heart felt moment) has been worthwhile and I look forward to sharing more witty, conscious, insightful and borderline crazy articles through you. You are my outlet, the perfect sidekick to any budding writer. So thank you for always being a virtual pen. Love, Mummy Cris x
To mark the one month anniversary of my blog, I want to return to the theme I began with. On valentines, I wrote my first article called Singleness is not a curse and if for some catastrophic reason you were unable to read it, you can find it here http://thepromisciouspen.wordpress.com/2014/02/13/singleness-is-not-a-curse/ . The article discussed the somewhat myopic view, one I believe society endorses, that you have to be “loved up” to have any value. I ripped the view apart and concluded that it was false because singleness doesn’t have to be dreary. Now that I have established singleness to be a rewarding and exciting time (and believe me it can be as long as you dare to drag yourself away from that tub of Ben and Jerry’s and those excruciatingly lovey -dovey romantic comedies), I want to rip another view apart.
Despite the title, this article has nothing to do with the raging hormones associated with a woman’s menstrual cycle. Fear not men, I will not be discussing periods.
I want to quickly define perfect.
1.make (something) completely free from faults or defects.
2.having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics.
|synonyms:||ideal, model, without fault, faultless, flawless, consummate,quintessential, exemplary, best, best-example, ultimate,|
PMS, or what I have termed Perfect Man (or woman) Syndrome is rampant. We want our men to be six foot, dark, handsome and with cheek bones and body parts chiselled to perfection and then we want our women to have buttocks as big as Kim K’s. We want them to never do anything to make us angry or upset, thus we want out love lives to be in this constant state of euphoria.
I know I’m about to rain on someone’s parade and I know I’m about to burst a few bubbles, however, I don’t mind breaking a few hearts (as I know that you will thank me later) because this is something we all need to hear. For those of us with extremely high expectations (I’m including myself) it is something we ought to tell ourselves regularly.
“THE PERFECT MAN/WOMAN DOES NOT EXIST! THIS PERFECTION YOU SEEK DOES NOT EXIST!
Capital letters give the impression that a writer is shouting and so are used less often so as to not intimidate or frighten the reader and yet I am shouting, although not for the same reasons. I’m shouting because the message needs to be heard. A few years ago I would have fervently argued that women were more likely to believe in the lie of perfection but I’m much wiser now. I’m far more clued up now and I know that men also buy into this dream. They want their wives or potential wives to be exquisite chefs, tantalising lovers, nurturing mothers with captivating bodies. Therefore, women and men obsess over perfection in their partners. I consider this notion of perfection a trap that often ends in breakups, break downs and divorce. Once you have believed in the lie and your partner turns out to be less angelic than you anticipated, you are left disappointed. That disappointment will later turn into resentment and in some cases hatred and this will most definitely mean an end to a relationship that could have lasted forever, if you hadn’t bought the dream that the romantic-comedy sold you.
Everybody wants to be loved and many people are so desperate for a fairy tale that they will believe anything. Romantic comedies definitely play on our vulnerabilities and emotions and depict love as this easy peasy lemon squeezy “thing” that you just have to share with a perfect man/woman who can do no wrong, unless it can’t be love. The world’s female population is about 3 439 427 037 and it’s very probable that the majority want to have that Cinderella experience and who can blame them? You wouldn’t want any ol’ hoodlum to find your slipper and pursue you. Although this view of perfection is “cute”, it is not real.
It’s not real because we are all flawed. We are all imperfect human beings and so there really is no logic to the phrase “the perfect man /woman”. You will meet and or be in love with a person who will probably annoy the hell out of you on many occasions. You may meet and fall in love with a man that doesn’t quite tick your 1001 boxes and that’s ok. He may not have a car, he may not even have a driving license (or he may have a car that you don’t want people to see you in) but that shouldn’t make him any less of an option. She may not be able to cook or possess that video vixen body that you want but that doesn’t make her any less of a candidate. Our obsession with perfection will eventually make us unhappy, bitter and quite frankly lonely .
I am a woman with high expectations for my partner and so I would be a hypocrite in saying that we should cease from having expectations altogether. Yet, having unrealistic expectations will only set us up for disappointment.
Whenever we tell ourselves that only the “perfect” man or woman will do, let’s remember that we ourselves are as imperfect as they come.
Love Cris x
p.s In any case, being perfect is too much pressure.
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